We grow from every conflict we encounter in life. We should decide to view each conflict as a learning experience by self-reflecting on how the conflict was created, and the part we contributed in the creation of it. Life is a roller coaster of conflicts that stem from uncertainty, anger, resentment, frustration, pride, stubbornness, racism, and the list can go on. What is a conflict? The dictionary says a conflict is a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.
Mastering our emotions is the key. Learning how to understand and manage your emotions is key to building healthy relationships. Being open minded to listening and hearing what the other person has to say is a form of respect. Showing empathy and compassion to their point of view shows them you care for them emotionally. Tony Robins once said, “The quality of your life is where you live EMOTIONALLY.”
Conflicts are a part of life. In our social orbit we connect with people from different ethnicities, upbringings and life experiences. There is no way we are always going to be on one accord with each other’s beliefs or values. Making the decision to be open to seeing where someone is coming from shows signs of leadership. Placing someone else’s feelings before yours, in order to show compassion for how they feel, is very important. Conflicts usually begin as criticism. We make assumptions instead of asking questions to gain clarity on where the conflict derived. In the book The Sweet Spot, by Christine Carter, she discusses, four types of conflicts we will encounter in LIFE:
- One time. Solvable problems. Conflicts that arise from a unique situation rather than differences in our personalities.
2. Cyclical Conflicts. Conflicts based on fundamental differences in your personalities, emotional needs or ideas about how you’d like to live life. These type of conflicts usually never go away. With counseling there’s a possibility for the conflict to be worked on, if both parties agree it’s worth doing.
3. Deal Breaker. If you can’t work with a reoccurring conflict, either because your partner hasn’t found a solution or you both do not want to end it. Unhealthy for you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Walk away from this relationship.
4. Wounding Problems. Conflicts that you have with someone over again. The difference is that you never really make any head way on the issue. Time to end this relationship, if you believe it can’t be resolved in the time or manner needed for your emotionally well-being.
Hopefully, these four conflicts will help you discern and solve your next disagreement. The goal is to decrease the amount of conflicts you have in life. Conflicts can either help or hurt our daily growth. How WE deal with them matters most. We must learn when it’s time to walk away from a situation that is not helping us grow on all levels and continues to resurface in our life. Remember, with understanding comes CHANGE! Listening is the ONLY vehicle to learning how you feel and hearing the feelings of others.
Quote of the day: “Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means”-Ronald Reagan