Why Arguments only lead to 3 things…

By Jernavis Draughn

Communication is the key to the heart. We can hurt or help someone through the words we choose to use in conversations. Words are the light to the mind. Wars, relationships, ideas, companies, careers, love, understanding, purpose, vision, emotions and growth start from the utterance of a single word. The bible says we speak life and death through our tongue. Are you aware of the power of the words you use in daily conversations with others or YOURSELF? In arguments, we tend to speak before thinking when our emotions are in the driver seat. We become blinded by our state of anger or fear and we lash out to protect ourselves. Then we blame our emotions for the reason behind our hurtful words. I’ve learned that hurt people hurt PEOPLE.

We all have been in toxic relationships that tested our character to remain calm or forgive that person. Ambrose Bierce once said, “speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” Walking away is the hardest thing to do in the state of feeling disrespected. No one is bullet proof. Words leave lasting wounds when they are not healed by the shooter. When your caught up in the rapture of love, our feelings tell us a story that the person who has consistently hurt us by their words will change. People only change for two reasons; either they learned enough that they want to change or either they hurt enough that they have too. Arguments never choose a winner; they often leave both parties feeling lost.

In the book Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patters and Joseph Grenny, explain how arguments lead to three things:

1.Win– Our goal is to win the point of view or argument. Our focus is to win the argument in any manor, even if that demands you lying to be right.

2. Punish– Our goal is to harm the other person. Our focus is to verbally assault the persons character and intentionally hurt them.

3. Keeping the Peace– Our goal is to avoid the possibility of an uncomfortable conversation. Our focus is to brush the issue under the rug to not be seen or heard. We feel uncomfortable with confrontation and hold our feelings inside.

One of the best methods to having a healthy disagreement is to practice effective communication. Where you listen first, with the intent to understand where the person is coming from. You should seek to understand then to be understood. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care about them. To take flight or flight in an argument, are both motivated by fear. When you embody fear in an argument, you tend not to express how you truly feel to that person. The fear of expressing yourself stems from the feeling of being rejected or judged. People become defensive in arguments, when they no longer feel safe. In any argument the goal is to make the person feel safe to express themselves. Practice honest and open communication in all relationships. People will respect you more and know where you always stand on any topic. Lastly, treat people how you want to be treated through your words and actions. That’s the only way we can truly value someone is by how we treat them.

Quote of the Day: “If you don’t want to be in an argument with someone, it is probably best to try to solve the problem, rather than lying around hoping the other person will do it for you.”-E. Lockhart

Is social media hijacking our BRAIN?

By Jernavis Draughn

The average user touches their cell phone 2,617 times per day. The extreme users touch their phone 5,400 times per day. According to Common Sense Media, teens spend an average of nine hours a day online (paywall), compared to about six hours for those aged eight to 12 and 50 minutes for kids between 0 and eight. American adults spend more than 11 hours per day watching, reading, listening to or simply interacting with media, according to a new study by market-research group Nielsen. That’s up from nine hours, 32 minutes just four years ago. These statistics state we are not only addicted to our phones, but all platforms of social media. Dr. Nicholas Kardares once said, “A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”

The average user touches their cell phone 2,617 times per day. The extreme users touch their phone 5,400 times per day. According to Common Sense Media, teens spend an average of nine hours a day online (paywall), compared to about six hours for those aged eight to 12 and 50 minutes for kids between 0 and eight. American adults spend more than 11 hours per day watching, reading, listening to or simply interacting with media, according to a new study by market-research group Nielsen. That’s up from nine hours, 32 minutes just four years ago. These statistics state we are not only addicted to our phones, but all platforms of social media. Dr. Nicholas Kardares once said, “A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”

The growth of technology has helped us reconnect, build, network, sale, influence and inspire people worldwide. The benefits of how social media platforms push our lives forward have been remarkable. We now are able to directly email or call job opportunities. We can connect with lost family members and friends that we haven’t communicated in years with. We have access to a plethora of information from, how to fix, learn, lose weight, and so much more. Is social media hurting us more than helping us? These statics show that our phones, ipad, and technology in general has become a digital drug.

We live in an insecure selfie taking by the second world. Why do we need to post thousands of pictures of ourselves online? Are we yearning for approval? Are we hurting inside? Are we scared to face the truth of who we truly are? Are we not happy with ourselves and we need others to affirm us? Eric Ries, says people are addicted to vanity metrics. “It’s an endless pursuit of vanity metrics that stroke the ego.” I totally agree with him, by how we strive to receive likes, repost, shares, messages, etc. These notifications provide dopamine shots that give us instant gratification and self-confidence. The interesting notion is, self-confidence cannot be loaned to you, it has to be discovered and worked on. Self-love equals self-confidence. Our society’s personal identity and attention is being created and consumed by this digital drug, called social media.

In the book Attention Pays, by Neen James, she discusses how social media and technology is affecting our society in some negative ways. Our time and attention has been stolen by social media platforms. We only have 24 hours in a day and if most people are on social media sites for 11 hours or more, how can we reach our full potential in life? How can we create strong relationships with people, if our attention is elsewhere? How can we thrive in our career field, if were not focus and making time to grow? Social media and most online platforms are created to steal your time. That’s how they create revenue by clicks, adds, gossip news, interviews, and games. How can you steal your time back? Value yourself more? Here’s five ways that I’ve implemented in my daily schedule to intentionally secure my time and reaching my full potential.

1. Turn off ALL notifications on ALL social media apps you have on your PHONE. You can’t buy more time, but you can spend it differently.

2. Create a morning routine, that doesn’t include using or looking at your PHONE for the first 60 minutes. Use your attention in a more productive way to start your day. This productivity habit will govern how your entire day will go. Ex: Read, listen to something educational, pray, workout, etc.)

3. Learn to check your email only 3-5 times a day. As an entrepreneur, I’m learning how to delegate any task that I feel someone else can do on the same level or better than myself.  Don’t live in reaction mode, where people are dictating where your attention is going.

4. Give yourself a daily time limit on how long you can use social media. What are you using social media for? That’s the question you need to answer? Is social media using you or are you using social media? Is social media helping rebuild, connect to a friend or family member? Is social media helping you grow at your job? Is social media helping you build your business or brand? Are you receiving new clients from your social media platforms? If you answered no to any of these questions, you should really think about why you’re using social media platforms.

5. Learn to LOVE yourself. Identity drives behavior. If you don’t know who you are or who you want to be, then your fall victim to looking and doing what every other social media model or star is doing to receive ATTENTION.

Quote of Day: “We don’t have choice on whether we DO social media, the question is how well we DO it.”-Erik Qualman

4 methods to better DECISION MAKING!!!

By Jernavis Draughn

Our decisions dictate our destiny. The value of making the RIGHT decisions will determine the direction our life will take. We are influenced by our environment and our friends. Mathew Kelly states, “the people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards”. They either help us to become the best version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves.” What was the last decision you made that turned out to be either a bad decision or a good decision? Take time to ponder or write down the decision you made and why that outcome came to life. Most of our decisions are made on autopilot. Our brain produces habitual behaviors that have been created over the course of our lives that drive our behavior. These programmed decisions create a sense of safety and comfortability that keep us from growing in most areas of life.

Looking at the “why” factor behind the DECISIONS we make, helps us discern the meaning behind them. I often ask, how will this decision I’m making affect my life in a positive or negative way. Then I weigh the pros and cons of me not making the decision to see if I’ll regret not doing it in the future. It is believed that good questions inform, and great questions transform. Consistent success is birthed in being able to make the right decisions. As you grow in your area of gifting, relationships, career, business and life, decision making should become easier to make. We should be students of life, where we are learning from the wrong decisions we made in our past.

In the book Crucial Conversations by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Patterson, Grenny, they discuss four of the best methods to making a decision in business, life and relationships.  

  1. Command Decisions. It’s not our job to decide what to do. It’s our job to decide how to make it work.
  2. Consulting Decision. A process whereby decision makers invite others to influence before they make a choice.
  3. Vote Decision. An agreed upon percentage swings to making the decision. 
  4. Consensus. Means you talk until everyone honestly agrees to one decision.

Our beliefs direct our direction in life, which plays an important role on why we make the decisions we do. If we can’t see a better future for ourselves, then we will be doomed to repeating the past. Self-confidence is directly connected to what we believe is possible in our life. Learn how to implement these styles of decision making into all aspects of your life. Remember, success is the result of decisions!

Quote of Day: “You can only have two things in life, reasons or results.”

Confidence vs. Competence..?

Competence opens the door to confidence. The feeling of confidence comes after you’ve reached a certain level of clarity, mastery and competence in a particular area. That takes intentional purposeful practice. Let’s look at the dictionary definition of both words to gain more understanding. “Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” Competence is the ability to do something successfully or efficiently.” We tend to skip steps on the road to mastery or simply improving. Some research say it takes 10,000 hours to master anything. Some say you can master or improve any area of your life if you commit to doing it daily.

Confidence is birth from the belief of your competence. Think about when you discover a new passion or hobby and the frustration you feel from the beginning learning phases. That thought is stemming from not feeling competent and confidence in doing it. Most people can’t overcome failure, which leads them to giving up to soon. The reason why practice makes better and repetition is the mother of LEARNING. We must invest time into building trust and belief within ourselves that we have the ability to produce better results. I’ve learned confidence and competence are both needed to reach your full potential in playing a sport, moving up in your career, public speaking, growing a business, learning an instrument or new language.

Here’s 5 ways to increase your confidence and competence:

1. Commit to learning, doing and improving that particular area of your life daily. What you do daily determines your WORTH.

2. Ask for feedback. Whatever you’re working on gaining more confidence or competence in, you will need to receive feedback on your progress and growth in that area. That’s the only way you can discern if you’re improving.

3. Mirror someone who’s better than you. To become great in anything, you have to see and know what it takes to become great. You might not have Steve Jobs, Kobe Bryant, Serena Williams, Oprah Winfrey, Al Pacino personally mentoring you. We do have their biographies, interviews and books which they have given the blueprint to their successes.

4. Speak LIFE to yourself and others. We become what we think and say to ourselves. The game of life is: You vs You. Make sure you’re giving yourself the best opportunity to WIN.

5. Study, Do, Study and DO. It’s very simple, the best people in sports, entertainment, politics or business are studying and doing their craft on a consistent basis. They immerse themselves into that field where their unconsciously growing from the amount of time they are investing in it.

WE can never improve anything in life if we don’t make the decision to doing it daily. Growth comes from consistency. Consistency builds confidence and failure teaches competence. Failure is only feedback. We only grow from failure, which is the reason why “doing” is the only way to create confidence and gain competence in anything we want to improve in.

Quote of the Day: “Self-confidence is the memory of success.” – David Storey

 

The 80/20 LIFESTYLE…

By Jernavis Draughn

What is the 80/20 principle? Let me give some history of where this concept originated. The concept was introduced in 1897 by an Italian economist named Vilfredo Pareto. He observed that most income and wealth came from the minority of the people in his samples. He found that twenty percent of the people owned eighty percent of the land. From that day forward he continued his quest to see if his discovery stood true to other areas of our lives.

I decided to do my own research on books discussing the 80/20 principle, in order to get a clearer understanding of this concept. I just completed a great read by Richard Koch called the 80/20 principle. He goes in depth on how we can implement the rule into all facets of our life to produce success. Richard explains how using the principle can increase success in your company, career, relationships and overall health.

Here are a few statistics of the 80/20 principle:

-Eighty percent of what you achieve in your job comes from 20 percent of your time spent.

-Twenty percent of the products usually account for about eighty percent of dollar sales value.

-Twenty percent of criminals account for eighty percent of the value of crime.

-Twenty percent of motorists cause eighty percent of accidents.

-Twenty percent of your carpets are likely to get eighty percent of the wear.

-Twenty percent of your clothes will be worn eighty percent of the time.

The key is to concentrate on the most important twenty percent that will create the most success in your life. This will take you sitting down and writing down what actions, behaviors and rituals create the results you ultimately want. Here are four rules for understanding how decision making connects with the 80/20 rule.

  1. Not many decisions are very important.
  2. Most decisions are often those made only by default.
  3. If what you have decided isn’t working, change your mind early rather than late.
  4. When something is working well, double and redouble your bets.

The premise of the book is to find where twenty percent of your efforts gives eighty percent of your return. This premise is the true essence of the 80/20 principle, to do a few things well and specialize in that particular area.

Confucius once said, “the man that chases two rabbits catches none”. We are so consumed with trying to do everything, instead of mastering a few things. Discipline yourself to improving twenty percent of the most important areas in your relationships, company services, Job performance and health. That is the only way you will see exponential growth and lasting success in all areas of life.

Quote of the Day: “Success demands singleness of purpose.”-Gary Keller

Why you should ride the ENERGY Bus…..

By Jernavis Draughn

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Energy and persistence conquers all things.” Successful people don’t make excuses, they get it done even when they don’t want to do it. They push through the pain, because they know it’s only temporary. Our lifestyle plays an important part on our daily energy levels. There’s five energy drivers that help us increase our productivity; exercising, eating healthy, sleeping, relaxing and connecting with people. We need to invest time in all five of these energy boosters daily to maximize our output.

I’ve recently implemented a new method for improving productivity called, “brain investment tasks”, for only 30 minute segments. I focus on the task I’m working on for 30 minutes, then I take a 10-15 minute break if needed. If I’m in a flow state, I will go as long as my brain and focus allows me too. The key is to implement brain breaks when working on assignments that need deep thinking, to help you not feel burned out, overwhelmed and engaged.

You know by now, I’m an avid reader and I just completed a great book called, The Energy Bus by John Gordon. He creates a great story of a manager that is struggling in all rems of his life, because he lacks positive energy, accountability, vision and persistence. In the book John Gordon, explains 10 rules that will increase your productivity in life, business and relationships.

Rule 1: You’re the driver. Your life is a sum total of the thoughts you’ve created and actions you’ve taken.

Rule 2: Desire, vision and focus on moving your bus in the right direction. What you focus on will expand.

Rule 3: Fuel your ride with positive energy. Focus more on the positive instead of the negative.

Rule 4: Invite people on your bus and share your vision for the road ahead. Alone we are limited, together we are limitless.

Rule 5: Don’t waste your energy on those who don’t get on your bus. Distant yourself from the energy vampires.

Rule 6: Post a sign that says no energy vampires allowed on your bus. Positive energy is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets.

Rule 7: Enthusiasm attracts more passengers and energizes them during the ride. Momentum breeds momentum. Passion is contagious!

Rule 8: Love your passengers. Practice servant leadership.

Rule 9: Drive with purpose. Only purposeful achievement is ultimately sustainable.

Rule 10: Have fun and enjoy the ride. You always have fun when you love what you do.

Quote of the day: “The future brings only what the present gives it.” Unknown

 

 

Why success in ANYTHING starts with COMMITMENT!!

Commitment opens the door to achievement. Most people are interested and not committed to anything in life. Success in anything will first start by you making the decision to fully commit to the process. In order for you to progress in your career, business, marriage or relationships, you will have to endure the process. However, expect the process to create a certain level of pain, uncertainty and fear. We tend to look for the shortcut to solving problems that arise in our life. The overnight and quick fix approach, instead of having unmovable FAITH and believing it shall pass. I believe before you become committed to anything you have to discover your “WHY”. They say if your why is powerful, the how is easy. In the book, Your Best Year Ever, by Michael Hyatt, he states, “you need autonomous motives. This idea relates to “the things that we find deeply and personally compelling to us”. You have to ask and answer this question, why does it matter to you? Without commitment you won’t start, without consistency you won’t finish.

People lose their way when they lose their WHY. Commitment starts with a thought, which leads to a decision where you finally taking action. Until you take action on that thought or idea, you’re not fully committed. The truth of the matter is, you’re either all in or NOT. There’s no option “B”, when you’re committed to making option “A” work. People often tell me I’m crazy and I respond to them by saying, no, I’m crazy committed. I only have one option for Athletes Global Corporation, which is reaching the highest level of success in our industry. As individuals, we have free will to decide on committing to reaching our goals or not.  You have to be willing to do, learn, study, or whatever is required to ensure your success.

Here are a few questions that will help you discover what you’re committed to:

What excites me now?

What so exciting to me that I would do anything to accomplish it?

What do I want to be remembered for?

What makes me feel good?

What gives me energy?

If I know I couldn’t fail, what would I do?

If I could be known for one great thing, what would it be?

These questions are from the book “Be obsessed or average”, by Grant Cardone. I recommend   reading this great book. It has helped me gain clarity on what I am to be committed too.

Finally, our passion is a preview to our purpose. Your purpose is waiting on you to discovery it. The moment you do, you will know what you’re truly committed too!

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”-Vince Lombardi

The $VALUE$ in LEARNING!

By Jernavis Draughn

What is the real currency in LEARNING? They say the more you learn the more you earn. There is no price tag on the amount you can learn in your personal space of gifting. We all have been blessed by God to use and help people in the world with our gifts. The most important DAY in our lives are, when were born and when we discover WHY. The most successful  financially, mentally, emotionally and spiritual people are committed to lifelong LEARNING. They invest time, and place VALUE in the process of learning. Oprah Winfrey contributes her personal success to what she learned from mentors, friends, family members, books she’s read and life experiences. Learning have to become an intricate part of your daily rituals and daily schedule. Creating a personal growth plan and making it a daily goal to learn something new, will improve your overall life.

Listening is the only VEHICLE to learning. It is the major reason why schools are one of the biggest businesses in the world. As a student you go to school to LISTEN first, then respond and ask questions to engage in the lesson. For you to learn anything, you have to listen first. One common reason relationships DO NOT endure and our divorce rate continues to increase, is because we fail to hear and listen to our partner. We are so quick to respond or rebut, because of our “selfish gene”. We NEED to focus on learning our partner in order to understand what they value, what their needs are, and what are their beliefs and love languages. “Any fool can know, the point is to understand.”-Albert Einstein

Lastly, Learning is the only true path to WEALTH. Warren Buffett once said, you have to define your circle of competence.” That takes mastery. Learning yourself and learning what you believe you can become really good or great in. You must sit down and study your craft in order to understand what area you want to master. Learning increases the opportunities of you becoming more successful in anything you do.

I am concerned about the school system because I think it is flawed on the methodology of HOW they are teaching students. I believe you have to value, then be influenced and lastly inspired by something/someone in order to truly enjoy the learning process.

If you ask a person why they decided to learn a particular topic, they usually will tell you how it made them feel, how it changed their state, how it improved their life, their relationships, how it caused them to grow, how it help their understanding of things, or how it influenced their belief. Before learning occurs, you first place value on the topic and the person you’re learning from. Then you choose to listen to them, take notes, and focus more on the point they are making. It’s called “Active Listening”, where you listen with the intent to understand. You value what that person is saying. This is why mentors and parents are so essential to personal growth.

I suggest that we commit to lifelong learning today or be left behind. Information is coming at a very fast pace these days and so you have to be a continuous learner in order to keep up with the times. Those who value learning the most will remain successful and will become pioneers through understanding the constant innovations of an ever changing world.

Quote of the Day: “Don’t Just”

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.
― Roy T. BennettThe Light in the Heart

The Power of DAILY RITUALS!

By Jernavis Draughn

What you do DAILY will expand! From our consistent actions, behaviors and thoughts, we are unconsciously creating our life. Oprah once said, “what we dwell on is what we become”. The main reason we NEED to create successful daily habits. Have you ever paid attention to your daily rituals? From the moment you wake up, everything we do is a HABIT, a learned behavior. “Chains of habit are too light to be felt, until they’re too HEAVY to be broken.”-Warren Buffett

Aristotle was one of the first leaders of teaching to recognize that our success in anything we do is a result of our daily rituals. He once said, “We are what we do repeatedly. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” Most people are unaware of what they do, why they do it and the results it’s producing in their life.

Can you name 3 positive rituals or routines that’s creating success in your life today? W.H. Audent once said, “Routine in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.” In the book Daily Rituals, by Mason Currey, he displays some of the highest achievers rituals that helped them reach their goals.

Benjamin Franklin                                                                                                                    -He would schedule his day out until he went to bed.

-Each week was devoted to a particular virtue, temperance, cleanliness, moderation. He would track them on his calendar.

-He believed if he could maintain his devotion to one virtue for an week, it would become a habit.

Beethoven                                                                                                                                        -Kept a pencil and a couple of sheets of music paper in his pocket, to record chance musical thoughts.

Maya Angelo                                                                                                                                 -She would write consistently from a hotel or motel room. Every writing session she would include a dictionary, a bible, a deck of cards and a bottle of sherry.

Alexzander Graham Bell                                                                                                         -He would work 22 hours straight without sleep on  some days.

Vincent Van Gogh                                                                                                                      -He worked from 7am-6pm nonstop barely pausing to eat.

Andy Warhol                                                                                                                                 -Recorded his life by phone daily from 1976-1987. For a daily 24 hour period, he would keep record of the people he saw, his money spent, gossip he heard and parties he attended.

 Twyla Tharp                                                                                                                                -She begins each day with a 5am workout for 2 hours.

 Stephen King                                                                                                                               -He writes every day, even birthdays and holidays. His daily writing quota is two thousand words.

Here’s a few successful principles that I’ve learned from reading about the daily rituals of some of the greatest minds of our time. I’ve implemented these principles below and it has increased my productivity in all areas of my life.

  1. Be committed to doing the WORK. Showing up daily and enjoying the process.
  2. Discover your PURPOSE. Remember your passion is a preview of your PURPOSE!
  3. Love your CRAFT. It shouldn’t be work to you. Honestly, you should get lost in working on your craft. Time disappears!
  4. Create your own INSPIRATION & MOTIVATION! You are your own self-starter.
  5. Plan your DAY the night before. Preparation is key.
  6. Get up early! The early bird gets the worm.
  7. Create successful habits and routines for themselves.

Quote of the Day: “Routine in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.”-W.H. Auden

Self-DISCIPLINE equals Self-LOVE……

By: Jernavis Draughn

Success in anything starts with self-discipline. The ability to self-govern your mind and actions is essential in order to reach your full potential. Are you able to say “NO”?  It is probably one of the hardest words to say when your will power is being tested. Especially if the decision is connected to one of your six human needs that drives your life (Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Growth, Love/Connection or Contribution). We yearn for distraction and crave for personal acceptance by others. This type of behavior affects our will power to make the right decision. Jim Rohn once said, “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments”.

I struggle with sustaining long periods of discipline throughout my day. When my mind becomes cluttered and need a water break or just decides to sub itself out of the game, I tend to have a conversation with myself to refocus my mind back to my overall goals for the day. I constantly review my goals in order to provide clarity on where I am going and the actions I need to take to achieve them. The amount of self-discipline equals the amount of self-love you have for YOURSELF. We allow social media, television, video games, cell phones and PEOPLE to distract us from being productive, and thereby causes us to make regretful decisions. We also allow instant PLEASURES, to win over feeling lasting PAIN in the future that may be necessary for us to grow. We must all choose one of two pains: PAIN of discipline or the pain of REGRET!

I believe self-discipline starts first, with LOVING yourself and having standards that you live by. There is not a 5 step method that teaches you how to discover self-love. YOU must first get to know God. And in doing so, you will discover what you stand for, what you believe in, and a  clear understanding of your personal values and purpose.

Every moment is a memory. We are defined by our words and actions. I believe you should always think before you speak, ponder before you take action and live your TRUTH! The difference between WHO you are and WHO you want to be is WHAT YOU DO!

Quote of the Day: “Self-trust is the first secret of SUCCESS!”-Ralph Waldo Emerson